Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
it glows. i had to have it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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