Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
