Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
