I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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