I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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