you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
