oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
