I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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