I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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