i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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