i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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