Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
