I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
