went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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