He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
