i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
