This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
BRING THE BAGELS
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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