Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
