She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
