so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
