TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
