Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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