I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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