no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
