Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
