walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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