I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
