D3 body, D1 cock
her vagine was all disorganized.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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