before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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