I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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