Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
this will be a night to untag.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Houston, we have a blender
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
