brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
