im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
