she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
