I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
