What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
