New low: just hacked my moms facebook
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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