So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
