I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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