The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize