we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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