Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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