Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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