I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
