I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
