this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
