i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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