I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I need a burrito and a hug.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize