we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i think i just lost a toe
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
