its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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