My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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