Already got asked if we're dating
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
