im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
