tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize