well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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