fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
