Already got asked if we're dating
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
