How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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