I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
