Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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