it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
