Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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