It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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