I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
