Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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