i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
