I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
