My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
