mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
