worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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