If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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